Family Isolation
Family Conflict Leads to Grandparent Estrangement, Prompting Question: Should They Let Go?
Anonymous
A grandmother has gone years without meeting her two grandchildren — not because of distance, but because of a rift between her wife and her daughter-in-law. She is now asking a painful question: should she keep fighting, or let go? Vancouver Sun reported the case, which columnist Rebecca Reid addressed in a widely shared advice column in June 2026.
The story is not unique. Edmonton Journal noted that columnist Rebecca Reid — writing from her own experience as a mother-of-the-bride — urges the grandmother to have a private, calm, and honest conversation with her son. Reid says the son's passivity is a key part of the problem. Without him stepping up, she warns, the door to those grandchildren may close for good.
A Son's Silence Is Blocking the Relationship
The grandmother's son married a few years ago. Tensions between his wife and his parents surfaced almost immediately. Two babies arrived. Neither grandparent has held them. According to Brantford Expositor, the son has stayed passive throughout — neither mediating nor pushing back against his wife's restrictions.
Reid's advice is direct: the grandmother should speak to her son alone. Not to complain. Not to issue an ultimatum. But to make clear, calmly and honestly, what this estrangement is costing everyone — including the children. If he still does nothing, Reid says, the grandmother must decide whether she can live with that silence permanently.
Family Estrangement Is Rising Fast Across North America
This family's pain reflects a growing trend. According to the Cornell Family Estrangement Project (2024), 1 in 4 U.S. adults — 27% — have cut contact with a parent or child. A YouGov survey from August 2025 found that 38% of American adults are currently estranged from at least one close family member. About 6% of grandparents specifically report being cut off from their grandchildren.
Experts link the rise to what some call the "No Contact" movement — the idea, spread widely on social media, that cutting off family members is a valid form of self-care. Dr. Joshua Coleman, a clinical psychologist, argues that "the power has shifted" in modern families. Adult children now hold the power over access. If a daughter-in-law is unhappy, the default is often no contact — to protect the peace of the nuclear family.
Grandchildren Pay a Hidden Price for Adult Feuds
The cost to the children themselves is real. Research from the British Psychological Society (2025) found that children raised in "enforced estrangement" can experience what researchers call "ambiguous loss" — a grief for a relationship they never had and cannot explain. They grow up missing a piece of their family without knowing why.
Dr. Megan Dolbin-MacNab of Virginia Tech notes that cut-off grandparents also carry a hidden grief. Society often assumes they must have done something terrible to deserve it. That shame keeps many from seeking help. Beyond the emotional toll, grandparents provide an estimated $15 billion to $20 billion in unpaid childcare globally each year, according to the Global Economic Forum (2025). Estrangement pushes young families into expensive paid childcare — adding to an already stretched household budget.
Experts Say Legal Action Usually Makes Things Worse
Some cut-off grandparents turn to the courts. There is a growing "Grandparents' Rights" movement pushing for legal access to grandchildren. But experts warn this path often backfires. Dr. Edward Kruk of the University of British Columbia says legal intervention tends to lock in the rift permanently rather than heal it.
Aaron Larsen of the Grandparents Academy says "intrusive efforts" — including legal threats — create "more heartache and distance." Instead, he recommends leaving a door open through low-pressure, consistent gestures: letters, memory journals, or a simple message that says the love is still there. The goal is to keep a thread alive without pulling so hard it snaps.
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